423 Men - Recovery Group Application

423 COMMUNITIES AGREEMENT

I understand that every attempt will be made to guard my anonymity and confidentiality in this group, but that it cannot be absolutely guaranteed in a group setting.

I realize that the group leader cannot control the actions of others in the group. I realize that confidentiality is sometimes broken accidentally and without malice.

I understand that I may share my own personal experiences in group with others outside group. I also understand that disclosing the identity or any information about others in the group with those outside group is strictly prohibited and may result in termination from 423 Communities.

I understand that the group leaders are morally and ethically obligated to discuss with me if they observe any of the following behaviors which may lead to the breaking of confidentiality and/or intervention:

· I communicate anything that may be interpreted as a threat to self-inflict physical harm.

· I communicate an intention to harm another person.

· I reveal any knowledge of ongoing sexual or physical abuse committed against me or others.

· I exhibit an impaired mental state.

· If I am a legal adult, I reveal that I am sexually involved with a minor or the abuse of a minor.

· I reveal that I am aware of or considering an act of child abuse or child molestation.

· I reveal that I am aware of or considering an abusive act toward an elderly person with a handicap.

The group leaders are committed to maintaining confidentiality. However, I have been advised that for my protection and the protection of potential victims, group leaders may need to break confidentiality if they have concerns about the above types of information and believe I may be in danger of hurting myself or others, or am aware of the threat of harm to others. In cases like these, reports may be made to the proper authorities – police, suicide units, services to children and families, as well as to potential victims. I further acknowledge that if I am under the supervision of adult or youth authorities, part of recovery may include the need to notify these authorities of my involvement in 423 Communities. If I am a legal adult on probation and/or parole and I engage in any behavior in violation of my parole/probation, part of my healing and recovery may include notification to the proper authorities.

I understand that this is a Christ-centered group which integrates recovery tools with the Bible and prayer, and that all members may not be of my particular church background. I realize that the Bible may be discussed more or less often than I would like it to be.

I realize that this is a support group, and not a therapy group. I understand that the group leader is qualified by life experience, and not by professional training as a therapist. The leader’s role in this group is to create a climate where healing may occur and to support my personal recovery work.

TYPICAL 423 COMMUNITIES MEETING
The groups meet every week for 2 hours. The first hour is spent in our witnessing community time where we share about our journey that week and reflect on the “why” behind our thoughts and behaviors, utilizing a personal "recovery line" reflecting on various aspects of health.
Inside every group, the practices of connection, openness and reflection of one another inside the community, lead towards deeper and deeper levels of self-understanding, fostering healthy emotional and spiritual growth. It is from these dynamic relationships of intimacy and trust, that true healing can begin.
For the 2nd hour, our communities work to equip one another with various recovery resources, focusing on inner-healing, unpacking emotional trauma, and building effective relapse prevention tools to aid in the journey of recovery.

Our goal is not to solely end bad sexual behavior, but to lead others towards a deeper understanding of themselves, providing for not only sobriety from the problem, but movement towards holistic mental, emotional and spiritual health and freedom.

Regardless of where you find yourself in your story, this is a place where you can go every week and be radically transparent, vulnerable and honest as you wrestle with shame and identity. You will learn what it looks like to be followers of Christ with others who are working towards ending the unhealthy cycles of sexual sin in their lives. You were not meant to live this life alone, you were meant to be inside a community of like-minded believers, running the race together, equipping one another so that the patterns of unhealth and destruction don’t have to be the end of your story.

“423 Communities Guidelines” are read at every meeting.

No one is allowed to cross-talk, offer advice, or preach at other members of the group. This is a subtle way of introducing shame and judgment.

What is shared in a 423 group remains there. A member who intentionally breaks confidentiality by revealing personal information to people who are not part of the group may be asked to leave 423.

If married or engaged, members honestly confess their history of sexual sin or trauma to their husband or wife. Initial disclosure of this kind should be made early in the recovery process after prayer, careful preparation, and wise counsel from group leaders. Full disclosure should remain a regular part of marital intimacy.

When 423 members achieve and maintain essential sexual sobriety, or finds substantial healing caused by the trauma of a loved one’s sexual addiction, and exhibits leadership skills, they may be invited to consider a leadership role in their 423 group.

423 COMMUNITY GUIDELINES

(TO BE READ AT EVERY MEETING)



CONFIDENTIALITY

Nothing that is said or done in this group is ever discussed with people outside the group without the permission of those involved.

SELF FOCUS

We are here to focus on ourselves, not on others; we share our own experiences, insights, and feelings. We do not offer advice, analyze, or try to “fix” others. All of us are free to find our own answers.

LIMIT SHARING

We are considerate of the need for all to share and we limit our own sharing time accordingly.

REGULAR ATTENDANCE

We agree to be here every week, on time, unless there is an urgent and unavoidable scheduling conflict or genuine emergency. We will call the group leader to explain in advance when we cannot attend or must be late.

HOMEWORK

We are required to complete weekly homework and to participate in small group discussion time.

MAKE CONTACT

We understand the need to be in community and agree to reach out to other members throughout the week.

LISTEN RESPECTFULLY

We avoid cross-talk and give each person who shares our undivided attention.

RESPECT OF OTHERS

We guard against offending one another. If someone offends us, or when uncomfortable with anything in this group, we work it out directly with him or her outside the group instead of expecting others to solve the problem or rescue us.

STAY ON THE SUBJECT

We avoid discussions and debates about controversial topics and outside issues unrelated to healthy sexuality.

SUPPORT

We recognize the need to support Christ’s mission of bringing freedom to people bound by sexual addiction. We believe that by giving generously, we strengthen our own journey of recovery as well as help others move toward healthy sexuality.

BEFORE WE LEAVE

When we leave or transfer from our group, we do so respectfully by speaking with our leaders first and then saying goodbye to our group in person to provide proper closure.

LET GOD WORK

We do not preach at or lecture the members of this group.

Form adapted from “Group Guidelines,” Pure Desire Ministries Intl. www.puredesire.org. Last revised 6/20/19.

423 COMMUNITIES CYCLE OF SHAME

You are not alone

Many people feel isolated because of their struggle with sexual sin or the trauma caused by this addiction. “If others really knew my struggle, they would reject or disbelieve me. If my wife [or girlfriend, husband, boyfriend] knew, she/he would leave me.” With nowhere to turn, those who struggle in secrecy rarely find victory.

The enemy of our soul works to keep us isolated so we believe the lies: “No one will understand. No one is as bad as me. I will never overcome this or get the help I need. I am beyond help. I am worthless.” The Bible calls the devil “a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44 ESV). He “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1st Peter 5:8 ESV). Sexual immorality, and the devastation it causes, is one of Satan’s oldest and most destructive tools.

· 65–90% of Christian boys and men struggle at some level with sexual purity.

· Internet pornography is accessible, affordable, and anonymous.

Yet together, there is hope

423 Communities can make a difference. It is a safe, confidential environment where we allow God’s grace, not guilt and shame, to encourage healing.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another,

And pray for one another so that you may be healed.”

James 5.16:

Other men, women, boys, and girls are achieving sexual purity and overcoming their trauma. You can too!

The elements of change

“People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1st Samuel 16:7). Our typical method of finding sexual purity is to try harder to change our behavior. However, this ‘white knuckle approach does not work. We cannot simply stop ourselves from ‘acting out.’ Jesus taught, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts” (Matthew 15:19). These thoughts cause a person to act and react in unwholesome ways because behavior is tied to thoughts, and thoughts come directly from the heart. If our heart is set on the gratification of wrong sexual desires, or the pain and trauma caused by sexual sin, our thoughts will conform to our heart’s craving, and we will not live consistently joy-filled lives. We must guard our hearts!

“Guard you heart with all diligence,

for from it flow the springs of life.”

Proverbs 4.23:

As we journey toward sexual purity and healing from trauma, we must be honest about our heart longings, asking God to renew us from the inside out. If our heart’s desire is to please and honor God, then our thought patterns will steadily move in that direction. As our thought patterns change, so will our behavior. We must be patient. It will take time, but we can change.

423 is all about the journey toward heart change within a community of trustworthy friends in recovery and support.

Shame: Many people confuse guilt and shame. Guilt is about what we do. Shame is about who we are. Shame is our internal assessment that we are bad, flawed, or worthless and leads to emotional pain that cannot be ignored.

Pain: It is difficult for a person to identify pain in their lives. Often it looks like loneliness, inadequacy, panic, hopelessness, and particularly anger. For many of us, addictive sexual activity becomes our only relief from emotional pain. For those traumatized by their loved ones’ sexually addictive behaviors, we feel lost and unsure where to turn for help.

Wrong Sexual Pleasure: Coping Unfortunately, wrong sexual behavior is an effective medicating device. It works! Our pain goes away… but only for a short time. Our body releases naturally occurring drugs called dopamine, similar in makeup to morphine, though even more powerful. Our pain relief is short lived and replaced with deep toxic shame and destructive thoughts like, “I’m defective. I’ll never change. I’m worthless!”

The cycle begins again.



The downward spiral

The cycle of shame causes a need for greater levels of pain medication as we build up a tolerance to dopamine. As we engage in stronger ‘doses’ of sexual sin, our addiction, shame, and pain continue to grow. In our pursuit of a better sexual high, we may engage in riskier sexual pleasures. Our sense of separation from God widens and we are tempted to fully surrender to the power of sin. We know we are on the path of destruction, yet we become adept at denying the truth even to ourselves.



Breaking the cycle of shame

There is a way to stop this downward spiral, but it cannot be done in secret. Healing is only possible God’s way. We must humble ourselves by confessing our sin to the Lord and to other people in recovery according to James 5:16. Sexual addiction and its impact is a family systems problem. The power of Jesus Christ, coupled with the support of a reliable and trustworthy recovery community, can help us break the cycle of shame.

There is hope!

I have been given the opportunity to ask questions about each of the above forms and agree to their conditions. I am at least 18 years old and I want to join a 423 Men or 423 Women group. If I am 18 years old or younger and wish to join 423 NEXT's youth program, my parent or legal guardian has also read each of the above forms and authorized this application below. I agree to receive regular correspondence from 423 Communities International by various forms of communication including, but not limited to, email and text messages.

Please consider. This is not a requirement for placement in 423 Communities.

I acknowledge that by typing my name above, I am agreeing to the conditions of this form and above documents, and that for the purposes of 423 Communities my typed name shall be considered as an original signature for all purposes and shall have the same force and effect as an original signature. *